Turn Back The Klok
by the Last Flowerchild
Summary: Every romance has highs and lows, even Pickles and Toki's. A look back at some of the sweetest & most difficult times of their relationship. Pickles/Toki slash.
1. Kisses

****WARNINGS****

**Slash, drug/alchol usage, bad language**

**If you don't like, please do me a favor and don't read.**

****DISCLAIMER****

**No, I _still_ do not own any characters.**

**Please note that these stories are presented in no particular order.**

_**Reviews are love.**_

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"_That you and I were made for this  
I was made to taste your kiss  
We were made to never fall away  
Never fall away..."_

_~~Civil Twilight, Letters From The Sky_

**:: ::::KISSES:::: ::**

If you would go back and ask Toki, he'd say that it began with just a kiss. Everythingbegan with just a kiss, but that didn't mean that he actually wanted the damn it. To say that the first kiss was an awkward one would be a huge understatement. Pickles had been totally drunk and as he pulled Toki aside from the others. All the Norwegian could think about was the stench of the alcohol and vomit on the drummer's breath. He made a move to shy away, but Pickles caught him fast.

"Hey, Toki," the drummer breathed, drinking some more from the bottle of vodka he was holding. "Dude, y'gatta come'ere for a sec. I gatta tell you somethin'!"

He rolled his eyes and tried to pull away again, but couldn't break free. "Pickle, you ams just drunk! Leaves me alone!"

His green eyes filled with hurt and shame. "But I wanna be with _yoooooou..." _and without warning, he collapsed into Toki's arms and passed out. The guitarist cursed and tried to resurrect him, but was unsuccessful.

"Pickle, wakes up! Wakes up now!"

After a long while the drummer let out a moan and said drunkenly, "Tooooooookiiiiii..."

"Whats the fucks do you want me to do?"

Pickles put one hand on the guitarist's shoulder to steady himself as he stood up. "T-Toki," he slurred his words as he said, "C'mere."

And he forced his lips over the Norwegian's in a deep kiss; Toki was so taken aback that all he could do was let the drummer kiss him, but as he felt Pickles disgustingly warm, alcohol and vomit-tasting breath enter his mouth, he pulled away and wiped off his lips. "Whats the fuck was that?"

"You kissed me back, y'really _did!" _the drummer said in shock. He went in to kiss Toki again, but the guitarist pushed him away. Pickles had expected him to melt into his arms, to be overcome by the wild, hot desire that all of his other lovers felt when with him, but there was none of that. There was just Toki glaring at him, blushing madly, and cursing in Norwegian. Pickles could only watch in shock as the guitarist turned and walked off; he stood there clutching his bottle of vodka.

"T...Toki, wait! Where are you goin'? Don't you wanna-"

"Fucks you!" was what he yelled back. "You ams horribles and your breath tastes likes vodka and vomit! Gos brush your teeth!" Pickles hurried to follow him down the hall, but just as he managed to catch up, Toki turned around and exclaimed, "Yous ams so stupids when you ams drunk! What the hell's your problem?_ Leave me alone!"_

"But I-"

"You ams disgusting!" and with that, the Norwegian pushed Pickles away from him angrily and went to rejoin the rest of the band.

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Pickles threw his empty bottle of vodka to the floor far below him and laughed when it shattered into a million sparkling shards of glass. Toki was right next to him, handing him another bottle as a Klokateer came wandering out of the Mordhaus. They two of them had managed to acquire a large number of empty bottles and were throwing them carelessly off the roof of the Mordhaus. This was one of many reasons that Toki chose to spend time with the drummer—they always managed to have some fun and fuck something up. It really was incredible.

"Quick, get me another!" Pickles said, frantically holding out his hand.

Toki handed him a second bottle and whispered, "Aims for that guy right there."

"I am, I am! Shut up, you're breaking my focus!" he hissed back, closing one eye and aiming his shot carefully. Just before he let the two bottles fall, he yelled, "Hey, dude! Look up!"

The Klokateer looked up just as the two bottles came crashing down from above; he let out a pained yell and fell onto the ground, a little blood seeping from beneath his black hood. Toki collapsed into the roof laughing insanely, and Pickles did the same.

"That was perfects! You gots such good aim!"

"Yeah, I know. Here, why don't you try?" he offered a bottle to Toki, who shook his head.

"Nos, I'd probably miss."

"C'mon," he urged. "Just throw it down. It won't hurt nothin'."

The guitarist shrugged and took the bottle. He launched it down below, smiling when it shattered into a thousand more sparkling pieces of glass. "This ams pretty fun." he admitted, reaching for another bottle. "I coulds do this all day."

"Throw stuff an people's heads?"

He nodded. "Ja!"

Pickles chuckled. "Yeah, 'dat sounds like something you'd do." he opened a fresh bottle of booze and held it out to Toki. "Want the first drink?"

"Thanks."

He took it and drank deeply, until the drummer pulled the bottle away and said with a frown, "Dude, drinkin' ain't a contest. Slow down."

"_Yous _slow down." he said playfully before snatching back the vodka and drinking some more. He drank until the sky above him was spinning and he couldn't sit up straight. Pickles rolled his eyes.

"You idiot, now you're drunk. What're we gonna do now?"

"Yous could..." he swallowed and let the now empty bottle roll out of his hand. "Yous—you shoulds..." he laughed drunkenly, fell back onto the roof, and covered his eyes from the burning sun. "...headaches..."

"You gat a headache?"

He nodded and held out his hand. "Mores to drink?"

Pickles laughed and shook his head. "No, dude. I think you've had enough."

"I wasn't _askings _you, though." Toki said, sitting up and opening himself another bottle. "I was _tellings _you."

The drummer shrugged and laid back on the roof as well, watched as the Norwegian drank away all his previous uncertainties and problems. "Y'knows," he said once he finished that bottle. "I...I never tolds nobody befores, but I really _hates _the taste of alcohols."

" 'Den why'd you just get drunk, idiot?"

" 'Cause to bes around you makes me feels shy sometimes, likes I should always be perfect."

Pickles frowned. "What?"

"I-I _likes _you," Toki admitted, closing his pale blue eyes. After a moment he added, "I likes you alots..."

"Oh." the drummer smiled a little and scooted a closer to him. "You'd probably kill me for doin' 'dis any other time, but Toki, how good is your memory when you're drunk?"

He laughed and said, "I don'ts know...pretty bads, I guess."

"Good. Come here." Pickles leaned over and kissed the guitarist tenderly, not at all like the last time he'd done it. This time Toki didn't pull away; he let out a little sigh and eased into it, let the drummer hold him a little closer and touch him a little more.

The next morning when Toki awoke he had a pounding headache and a sour taste in his mouth. He didn't remember a thing.

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

It was late at night, just before the concert started. Millions of _Dethklok _fans screamed wildly as the Dethcopter landed and dropped the band members off backstage. Before going on and performing, there was always a moment of brief hesitation, of personal time that each one of the musicians took. For Skwisgaar it was stopping to marvel at his own reflection in the mirror of his dressing room; Nathan always talked to himself, coached himself thru how the concert would go; Murderface sat down and grew utterly and totally silent for once; Pickles drowned out any stage fright he had with booze; Toki sat back and closed his eyes, tried to find a moment of peace amongst all the backstage madness.

Or that's how it _usually _went. That night, however, something very different happened. Just as Pickles readied himself for his first shot of tequila, Toki walked into his dressing room with a look of concern on his face.

"Hey, what's up, dude?" he put down his shot glass and motioned for Toki to sit down. "You look sick."

"I...I ams not feeling right tonights." he mumbled wretchedly, taking a seat on the couch that sat in the middle of the room.

"You're nervous about the show?"

He nodded and said, his face growing ashy, "I can'ts gos on tonight; Skwisgaar says I ams totally missing the notes and-"

"Toki, c'mere." he held out his hand and the guitarist took it, curiosity and fear shining in his eyes.

"Pickle, what ams you doing?"

"You're gonna be okay."

"Buts whats about what Skwisgaar-"

"He's an idiot. You know 'dat."

"Buts he ams _right!" _Toki insisted, his words coming out in a rush. "What ifs I mess up? All them peoples will bes watching me! What if-"

"So what? You've played onstage before, so what're you so worried about this time?"

"I..." he looked down and said, his pale eyes full of shame, "I just don'ts wants to looks like an idiot."

"You _won't!" _Pickles said comfortingly, pressing a hand to the guitarist's cheek. "Trust me. You're always amazing."

"You thinks so?" looked up into the drummer's bright green eyes. "You thinks I ams amazing?"

He nodded. "Always. You're the best guitarist I've ever seen in my life."

"Thanks, Pickle. I-"

"You're still nervous, huh?"

Toki hesitated before confessing, "Ja, a littles."

Pickles gave him a little half-smile and pulled him up and into his arms. He embraced him tightly before pulling away and slowly leaning forward to kiss the Norwegian. He was terrified of rejection, but there wasn't any. Toki leaned into the kiss and accepted it; he stood there, holding both of the drummer's hands tightly, almost in desperation. He knew as soon as the moment was over he'd be scared again, get his old stage fright back, so he made the kiss last as long as he could. When Pickles did pull away, he felt his heart flood with fear again.

"Pickle, I...I..."

"When you're nervous, I'm nervous too," he explained, turning around and downing his tequila. Just as Toki opened his mouth to say something else, Ofdensen entered the room and pointed to his watch.

"Two minutes to showtime, boys. Get ready."

"We are! Fuck aff!" Pickles yelled back, clearly annoyed at the interruption. Once Ofdensen had gone again, he turned to Toki and reached for his hand."C'mon," he said softly. "It's showtime."


	2. Secrets

**:: ::::SECRETS:::: ::**

Pickles often drank so much during the night that he had to go get new bottles of alcohol downstairs. The kitchen was usually empty and the only sound that could be heard as he walked was his footsteps echoing thru the vast, quiet halls of the Mordhaus. One night, however, something changed. As he entered the kitchen, he was surprised to see Toki sitting on the counter. The guitarist was half asleep and practicing on his guitar, tiredly reading the sheets of music Skwisgaar had written for him. Upon seeing him sitting there, the drummer hesitated.

"Uh...hey, Toki. What're you doin' up so late?"

"Huh?" he looked up and rubbed at his tired eyes. "Practicing. I likes to dos it down here so I don't wakes anyone up. Our rooms are close togethers, you know."

"Yeah, right."

He gently laid his guitar down next to him and yawned. "What ams you doing up?"

"Gettin' something to drink." Pickles answered as he made his way over to the fridge. He grabbed an unopened bottle of tequila and then turned his gaze to Toki. "You wanna drink with me?" Quite honestly he had no real clue of what to say, but seeing the Norwegian sitting like that, so innocent and sleepy, made his face grow hot. "I wouldn't mind talkin' for a while."

Toki gave him an exhausted smile and nodded. "Sures."

They talked and talked, forgetting temporarily about the booze. They spoke about music, girls, politics, and each other. "Y'know what I don't get about you?" Pickles asked, resting his head on his hand. He gave the guitarist a little smile. "You really just don't seemaffected by all of 'dis like the rest of us."

Toki arched a brow. "Affected? Whats you mean affected?"

"Like you're nat like me. You don't waste all your money on drugs and booze and stuff. Nathan closes himself aff to pretty much every emotion that ain't dark and brutal, and Skwisgaar fucks around with everything he sees just because he can. Why don't you do any of 'dat stuff?"

"I...um..." he thought for a moment then shrugged. "I don'ts know, but the way you talks about Nathan—you ams sort of like that."

Pickles scoffed. "No I'm nat!"

"Then why don't you evers just act happy?"

"I do!"

"Nos," he said, shaking his head. "You don'ts."

"Okay." Pickles sat back in his chair and said, "Fine, 'den show me how to be 'happy'."

Toki stared at him for another second before rising to his feet and walking towards the door of the kitchen. "I wish I coulds, but I can't."

Pickles' look of skepticism melted into one of confusion. "What're you talkin' about? You're the happiest person in the whole band!"

"Yous think so? Then I guess I ams better at acting than I thoughts." and he looked down at his feet and confessed, " 'Cause the truth is that I really ams almost never happy. I've _nevers _really been happy, not even when I was a kid."

"But..." the drummer felt his heart ache with guilt at the sad look on Toki's face. "If you want, I could _make _you happy."

The Norwegian peered over at him and shook his head solemnly. "Honestly I don'ts thinks that anyone can."

"Yeah." he insisted, getting up out of his chair. "I can. Trust me." and he went over and ran a hand carefully thru Toki's long curtain of brown hair. "Don't you trust me?"

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Night was a wretched time for both of them. The moment the soft, warm protection of the sun went down, Pickles found himself hiding from the black emptiness of night in Toki's room. They could somehow manage to keep the cold, lonesome night away until the steady cover of the golden morning pierced thru the windows of the Mordhaus. That was their special time together. It was a time when they were totally and completely alone in their own world, when they could talk as much as they wanted and do whatever—get high, drink, kiss, piece together their ideas and write songs. Nothing was too absurd.

One night as Toki sat scribbling in a notebook, writing down lyrics in Norwegian, he said offhandedly, "Pickle, you knows something?"

"What?"

"When I was reallys, really young I wanted to grows up and become a preacher."

The drummer laughed. "Are you kidding me? Like a really hardcore religious dude?"

He nodded. "Ja, likes that. Kinds of stupid, huh?" and he cast his gaze back down to his notebook and added, "Buts when I learns how to play the guitar I changed. When I plays it always I ams so...just...I don'ts know..."

"Happy?"

He shrugged. "Maybes. I don't really know. I can't thinks of a word for it."

"Oh. When I was a kid I just drank a lot." and he chuckled and remembered, " 'Dere was this one time that I got so drunk that I puked in school. Can you believe 'dat? Right there, all over this girl's books and stuff."

Toki grinned. "Seriously?"

"Yep. They sent me to the office and made the nurse smell my breath; back 'den I hadn't thought about how bad alcohol smelled. Of course she found out I'd been drinkin' and they expelled me."

"Ja, it does smells pretty bad." his pale eyes flickered up and carefully surveyed the drummer's face as he asked, "Why do you drinks so much anyways?"

"I...uh..." Pickles voice caught in his throat and his face reddened. He'd never told anyone about the time he had his first drink, but Toki wasn't like everyone else. He was different; he wouldn't laugh or any of that shit. He knew when to be serious. Pickles took a deep breath and ran a hand nervously thru his hair. "I was six years old, and Seth—y'know, my brother?"

"Uh-hmm."

"He was an idiot and burnt down the stupid garage. When my parents gat home he told 'dem that _I _did it, and they yelled at me and...well..." his voice trailed off. He could still remember it so perfectly, so horribly clearly that it was almost frightening. Toki gave him an understanding little smile and patted his hand.

"It ams okay. You don'ts have to says if you don't want."

And that was all it took to give Pickles his courage back. He told him the rest of the story and finished with the question of, "Why is it 'dat I fell like I can tell you anything?"

"Because," Toki said. "we loves each other."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Vodka made even the most hardened alcoholics like Pickles tell his deepest and most personal secrets. That's why he always watched his drinking around other people, especially Toki, because the deepest secret he had was something so humiliating that he couldn't even come to terms with it himself. One day, however, he got an urge and began drinking privately in his room. He'd never even considered the idea that Toki would be having a major crisis exactly then, right as he emptied his fourth bottle of hard liquor.

"Pickle!" he exclaimed as he burst into the room. "I need you—" he took one look at Pickles and let out a sigh of exasperation. "You ams drunk again, huh?"

He was sprawled over his bed, his hair loose and wild. He blindly reached for an unopened bottle and said slurred, "T-Toki, y'know when I get drunk—I don't like to drink in fronta people, 'cause I say...I—what I do is I say latta stupid stuff..."

"I knows, just comes on." he tried to take the bottle of booze away from the drummer, but was met with resistance. "I ams just trying to help you; gives me the damn bottle!"

"No! Piss aff, 'cause I gatta tell you somethin' really, _really _good—I think you'll like me for it."

"I alreadys like you," Toki said, still trying to wrestle away the vodka. "Please just gives it to me! I ams only trying to help you! Drinking ams bad, you dos it to much!"

"Why'dya care so much 'bout me anyways?"

"Because I don'ts wants to see you sits here and drink yourselfs to death!" he cried, finally giving in and letting Pickles take another drink. "I hates you for it! You ams always so drunk and it scares me because I never knows what you ams going to say and...ands..." his voice trailed off and his eyes filled with tears. "Pickle, I lo-"

"Dear Gad, I think I'm in love with you, Toki Wartooth." Pickles said suddenly, his green eyes wide. He let the bottle fall to the floor and pulled the shaking, crying guitarist down next to him on the bed. "D'you love me?" his breath smelled of pure vodka as he spoke.

The guitarist hesitated before nodding and saying with tears rolling down his face, "Ja, I reallys do."

"Okay, 'den. Stay with me."

"Buts you _never _wants anyone around when you ams drunk." he said meekly. "You're always afraids that you might says something wr-"

Pickles swallowed and said, blushing slightly, "I don't think 'dat I was _asking _you, Toki. I think that I was probably _telling _you."

The Norwegian smiled and let the drummer pull him close and run his hands down the small of his back. "Fines," he whispered, closing his eyes under the comfort of Pickles' touch. "I'll stay, but for hows long?"

"F'ever."


	3. Pain

"_I hear your feeling down_

_I can ease your pain_

_Get you on your feet again..._

_...The child has grown_

_The dream is gone_

_I...Have become comfortably numb"_

_~~Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb_

**:: ::::PAIN:::: ::**

Everyone had known that Toki's father had died of cancer, but nobody—not even the guitarist himself—had ever guessed that he was likely to get it too. There he was, though, sitting in the doctor's office with Pickles, trying to comprehend the complicated and life-changing words that were going thru his brain.

_Sick._

_Death._

_Treatment._

_Almost Too Late._

He just sat there in his seat, his pale eyes wide. He was totally numb, totally unfeeling of everything going on around him, even the sensation of Pickles squeezing his hand. He didn't know what any of it meant, couldn't begin to guess at what the doctor was talking about. Finally he managed to work up enough courage to say cluelessly, "I don'ts understand; what exactly ams wrong with me again?"

The doctor repeated tirelessly, "You have cancer. Do you know what that is? It's-"

"We _heard _what it is! We know!" Pickles yelled, trying to fight back the tears that were beginning to blur his vision. "I...I just don't get it. He doesn't _look _sick! He's perfectly fine! Are you sure 'dat the stupid blood tests were right, 'cause he looks okay to me."

He turned his attention to the drummer and said mildly, "That's because the kind of cancer that he has grows slowly. He may not feel any symptoms at first, but in time he may begin to very sick. It's perfectly normal for people in his position."

"Don't tell me about his position!" the drummer cried, choking back a sob. "Tell me what we can do if he really has got ca—if he's sick like 'dat."

"We can start treatment." the doctor said, turning his attention to Toki. "Would that be good for you?"

"I...what?" he asked obliviously. "What ams going on? I still don't-"

"Would you like a moment alone with your friend?" he asked kindly. Toki nodded.

"Ja, sures. Whatever."

And with that, the doctor got up and walked out of the room. Once he had left, Pickles finally allowed himself to let out a sob. He began shaking from head to foot, and all he could think to do was give the guitarist a little kiss on top of his head and hold his hand so tightly that it hurt.

"Pickle, why ams you acting like that? What's wrong with me? Ams I sick or somethings?"

"Y-Yeah," he said brokenly. "You're sick; really, really sick."

Toki's eyes filled with fear. "Buts I am goings to be _okay, _right?"

Pickles didn't meet his gaze as he shrugged. "Toki, I...I don't know what's gonna happen. Don't you get it? You have cancer, the same kind 'dat your dad had before he-"

"Buts he _died, _Pickle. I ams not going to _die, _right?"

"I don't know."

Toki shook his head, began crying along with the drummer. "Nos, but...but I...it ams just like being sick, right? You can gets better from being sick, can'ts you?"

"Nat this kinda sick."

"B-But there ams medicine whats can makes me better, right?"

Pickles bit his lip as a tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away and said thru his sorrow, "No. There ain't no real cure for it. You just do what the stupid doctors say and take what they give you and pray to Gad that it works...pray that you don't d-d..." his voice trailed off and he looked back into Toki's terrified eyes. He was pale now, totally petrified. Pickles gave him a little smile and kissed him. "It's gonna be fine, alright? You're nat gonna die, I promise. We'll make you better again."

And a few weeks later Toki began his treatment. He was told of the side effects of the radiation therapy—it would hopeful kill the cancer cells, but in turn it would also eliminate some of his good cells. It would make him weak, perhaps kill the parts of him that he needed to live, but it was the best bet that he had so he took the risk. The reality of his ordeal only hit him when he awoke one morning and discovered that his pillow was covered with his own fine, brown hair. His eyes grew wide and he shook Pickles away.

"Pickle, wakes up, please!"

The drummer opened his eyes and looked around wildly. "What? What's wro-"

"I ams losing it!" Toki sobbed, clutching his remaining hair with fear in his eyes. "I ams losing my hair, just likes the doctors said! Oh my Gods, I...I..."

Pickles sat up and peered over at the hair-covered pillow. It wasn't that bad—only a few locks of preciously long hair, but it was enough. Toki fell into his arms and he rocked him, tried to calm him. "Ssh," he whispered, burying his face in the guitarist's shoulder. "It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be-"

"I...I wants to get it cut off."

"What?" he shook his head unbelieving. "No, no you don't wanna get it cut aff. It'll be fine, it's just a little bit."

"Buts it will be more and more untils it ams all gone." Toki broke away from him and said, sniffling, "I can'ts watch it all falls out. I _won'ts _watch it all fall out."

The drummer nodded sympathetically. "Okay, we'll go get it cut if you want."

Toki sat in front of the mirror as the Klokateer snipped away his first long strand of hair. Pickles was right there next to him, holding his hand tightly. They both watched as the guitarist's beautifully long hair fell in limp strands to the ground. The Norwegian couldn't take it; suddenly he cried, "Stops! Just...just don't cuts it _all _off! I can'ts lose all of it!"

The Klokateer hesitated and lowered his scissors. "My Lord?"

"Just cuts it to here." he pointed to a spot just below his ear and shut his eyes tightly. "P-Please don't cuts all of it off."

"It's okay," Pickles said quietly as the Klokateer resumed cutting. "It looks good, perfectly fine."

"Wills you still loves me with short hair?"

"Sure. More than ever."

"What if I was to lose alls of it?"

"Don't matter, I'd still love you the same."

When the Klokateer had finished, Toki stared at his reflection in the mirror. It wasn't that short, but compared to the long, luxurious curtain of chocolate-colored wonder it had been, it was horrible. It fell just below his ears, and as he tried to tuck some of it behind his ears he sighed. "It ams not so bad." he said with surprising cheerfulness. "It feels a lots lighter, I guess"

The weeks of radiation and medication continued and things worsened for the both of them. It got so bad that the Norwegian didn't even want to get up out of bed. One day he looked up at Pickles and said hopelessly, "I quits. This ams it, I'm just goings to lay right heres and di-"

No!" the drummer cried. "You're nat gonna give up!"

"Whys can't I? I'm so fuckings _tired."_

"You can't give up because I won't let you." Pickles said, gently running a hand thru Toki's now short hair. The guitarist glared at him.

"But what ams the point?" he asked, an inch away from tears. "I ams losings my hair ands-"

"But you've gatta get up! Please, just get outta bed."

"Nos." he said firmly. "I'ms too tired today."

"What about breakfast?"

"I'm nots hungry."

"But you've already lost so much weight." Pickles said. In the past few weeks Toki's once toned and defined muscular frame had melted into one of pure bone. He now looked wasted away, a walking memory of what he had been. "Just hold an a little longer," he whispered. "It'll get better, I promise."

And surely enough the next time they visited the doctors office they got some surprisingly good news. Toki was getting better. The treatments were working and he would survive. Nearly all the cancer in his body was gone and he would most definitely be okay.

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

"What the hell is wrang with you?" Pickles yelled as he threw clothes into his suitcase. Toki stood by his door, his arms crossed over his chest.

"It ams for your own goods that you ams-"

"You're sendin' me to fuckin' rehab!" he interrupted. "What the hell is up with you?"

"_I'ms _not sending you, the others are."

"But you're nat stopping 'dem!" the drummer spat angrily as he slammed the suitcase closed.

The guitarist shrugged and said coolly, "You drinks too much, Pickle. We just wants to makes you get better. It ams for your own good."

"Fuck you! You don't know what's good for me!" he threw his luggage off his bed and kicked it across the room. "This is so stupid! Whose dumb idea was it?"

"Mines."

The words echoed thru the drummer's bedroom. It made him want to vomit, made him feel literally ill. Not knowing what else to do, he reached over and threw an empty bottle of vodka at Toki, feeling a sense of satisfaction as it hit the wall next to him. Even though the guitarist ducked and covered his face, a shard of glass managed to slice cleanly thru his skin, making a thin cut on his left cheek. In a moment blood was trickling down his face; the drummer stopped laughing and hurried over to him, a look of concern on his face.

"Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Don'ts touch me." the Norwegian snapped, wiping the blood off on his shirt. "You hates me now, so what do yous care if I get hurt?" as he tried to clean the cut, he let out a hiss of pain and winced. Pickles took him by his arm and lead him over to his bed, apologizing over and over again.

"I didn't mean to! I just fucked up and I'm so sorry. I-"

"I loves you." Toki said, cutting him off. "That ams the only reason that I'm doing this. I just wish that you coulds see that."

"I _do _see 'dat."

"Okays, so why do you throws bottles at me?"

"Because I'm an idiot." he admitted with a sigh. "I just...nobody has ever cared for me like you do, and it's like sometimes I get scared and wanna push you away, wanna make you hate me. It's so weird havin' you around me all the time, saying that you love me and holding my hand and stuff. I like it, but it just makes me freak out sometimes because I look at you and 'den I look at meand I wonder...I just wonder sometimes..."

"Wonders about what?"

"Why you love someone like me—_how _in the fuck you can love me." Pickles said, shaking his head. "It doesn't make sense."

Toki considered this for a moment then smiled sweetly. "Pickle, love don't haves to make sense. That ams what makes it love. See?"

"Yeah," he said sheepishly. "I see."

"Good, now finish packings your things so we can drives you to rehab and you can gets clean."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Mordhaus had been attacked by someone—everything had gone up in flames. It had been someone on the outside who had organized it, someone who wanted revenge against _Dethklok..._everything was falling apart, even the Mordhaus as Toki was pulled out of the licking flames by Nathan. He and Pickles were apart—Toki had gotten too drunk, hurt himself and gotten separated. He was the reason they weren't together now, in what could be their last hour of life they had left.

Somehow Nathan managed to safely evacuate Toki from that raging inferno. He laid him down gently on the dirt and together they waited in silence for someone—anyone—to crawl out of the rubble. Ofdensen, Skwisgaar, Murderface, Pickles...anyone would be better, anyone would bring Toki comfort. He sat quietly, his eyes filling with tears at the sight of the burning Mordhaus. Then, like some soot-covered angel, Pickles emerged from the smoke, his face covered in sweat and ash. Skwisgaar followed close behind, panting desperately, longing for some good, clean air.

Toki immediately jumped to his feet and ran over to meet them, already heaving dry sobs of joy. "Pickle!" he cried, launching himself into the drummer's open and waiting arms. "I thoughts you were—you _couldn'ts _die, right?"

"No," he said, coughing a little. "I-I'm fine."

"I was so afraids..."

"I know. 'Dat's why I came; I couldn't leave you like that. I couldn't just walk away and die." he embraced the guitarist tightly and shamelessly, ignoring the look that Skwisgaar gave him.

"Hey, Tokis." The Swede said. "I woulds maybe appreciate beings welcomed back too."

Toki didn't hear him. He was too busy rambling away, talking about how grateful he was that Pickles was still alive, how much he'd missed him, how much he'd worried. "I really dids think," he whispered in the drummer's ear, so quietly that it was impossible for Skwisgaar to hear. "I reallys did stops and think about what I woulds do if you would die. I woulds kill myself, I swear I woulds, because then there woulds just be no point in anything."

"But I'm okay." he said, holding back tears. "And you're fine and in one piece. You're not hurt, are you? 'Cause I swear, I'll kill anyone of 'dey touched you."

"I'ms fine, mostly. Stills feeling a little sloppys from all I dranks, but I'm fine." he held Pickles' face in his hands, tried to wipe away the ashes that were smeared in gray streaks across his cheeks.

"Toki, just quit all 'dat crap and kiss me."

The guitarist obliged, giving him one of the longest, deepest kiss he'd ever given anyone in his life. When it was done he was breathing hard, panting, "Thank Gods you're okay."

Pickles just looked down sadly. "You don't deserve me. I let you go. I could've stayed to find you, but I just _let you go. _You could've died—anything could've happened and it all would've been because me...because I..."

"Nos, Pickle!" he said, shaking his head. "You hads to leave to go with Skwisgaar and gets the master record. You didn'ts have a choice."

"But I could've found you and been with you, saved you the worry. I could've kept you safe."

"It ams not your fault."

"Next time I'm nat gonna stop 'till I find you." Pickles said, planting a small kiss atop Toki's head. "I don't care if I die trying to do it, but I'll stay and protect you." There was a long moment of silence, one in which they just stood there under the stars while the ash from the burning Mordhaus rained down on them. Gently the drummer passed a hand thru Toki's hair, trying to brush some of the falling ash out."Toki," he whispered, "you gonna marry me after all 'dis?"

He laughed and met Pickles' gaze. "Whats? Ams you serious!"

"Yeah, so we can really be _together. _After tonight, if I would go one more day without putting a damn ring on your finger, I'd feel...I'd just...it's something we have to do. Don't you understand 'dat?"

"You ams so funny." the Norwegian whispered, closing his eyes. "And that ams why I love you."

"But-"

"No. We can waits a little while."

"What if something like 'dis happens again? What if something really bad happens and I'm gone or-"

"We haves time." Toki said gently. "We haves a lot of time; trust me."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

****A/N****

**It's kind of funny. You can always tell how bored I am at home by how many Pickles/Toki stories I upload. [^_^] ****Anyways, the last 3 parts are coming as soon as I finish editing them. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the story so far. Reviews are appreciated.**

**Peace & Love**


	4. Commitment

**:: ::::COMMITMENT:::: ::**

It wasn't any complicated, embellished ring. It was just a simple one, not anything extraordinary. Pickles knew that Toki didn't ask for much and that he wouldn't mind just not having a ring at all, but the drummer still wanted him to have something to symbolize the time they spent together. Normally Pickles hated disgustingly cliché things, especially when it came to romance, but for some reason he just thought that Toki _deserved _a ring. He deserved so many things, and Pickles wanted to provide him with as much as he could, so one day he went out and bought the plain black onyx and gold band. The first few times he tried to propose he failed, but one day the it just slipped out of his mouth.

They had been sitting outside together watching the tall grass sway and dance in the wind as the sun sank below the horizon. Toki was leaning heavily against Pickles, resting his head on the drummer's shoulder. His voice was a quiet whisper as he said, "I likes it outside so much."

"I know." he responded, staring out at the deep orange stain of sun in the sky. "It's nice."

"Especially when it ams just you and me. I'm glad we're togethers."

"Y-Yeah." his voice shook without warning. Pickles took a moment to collect himself before he dared to continue. "So you wish 'dat we could be together forever?"

Toki didn't even hesitate to say, "Ja, forevers."

Slowly Pickles' hand traveled to his pocket, felt the ring. He brought it out and ran his thumb along the cool gold. Finally he said, "Then we should get married."

The Norwegian sat up straight and stared at him, a look of wonder on his face. "Whats? Gets _married?"_

"Yeah!" he said, presenting him with the ring. "Toki Wartooth, you should marry me."

"Ams that a question, or-"

"No, it's me beggingyou." the drummer said, feeling color rise to his face. " 'Cause, y'know, I love you and all that stuff."

The guitarist took the ring and stared at it for a long moment before shaking his head. "No, it ams too soon. I'm sorry."

"But...what?"

He forced the ring back into Pickles' hand and said apologetically, "I really appreciates it, I really do, but how longs have we been goings out?"

He said hoarsely, "S-Six months."

"Why ams you trying to rush it?"

Pickles felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes as he put the ring back in his pocket. "Because don't you get it? I've never been with anyone for more than a week! Six months seems like a whole damn year to me!"

"Not to mes." Toki said, hugging his knees to his chest. "Seems like six months to me."

"But I..."

"Listens, just gives it more time. I'll say yes, but I just wants to go a little-"

"Slower?"

He nodded. "Ja, slower."

Pickles sighed and wiped at his eyes. " 'Kay, fine. Whatever you want, I guess."

"You ams going to wait?" Toki asked. He was almost afraid of what the answer would be. The drummer gave him an immediate nod.

"Fuck yes. I'll wait forever for you."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Pickles wasn't a patient kind of person. When he wanted something, he got it right then, and if he didn't he'd pursue it until he had it in his grasp. He might be called persistent or just annoyingly stubborn, but either way it didn't matter much. There were many more proposals between the first and the last, all resulting the same way. One day he got so infuriated he threw the ring to the floor, not caring when it broke cleanly in two.

"Toki, why the fuck don't you wanna marry me? You're always saying 'dat you wanna be with me forever, so why-"

"Why ams you rushing me?" he asked, glaring at him. "I don'ts wants to be rushed into something!"

"But why not? We love each other, don't we?"

Toki threw down the magazine he'd been reading and blurted, "Because if we rush it, it ams never going to work!"

Pickles abruptly shut his mouth and sat down next to him on the couch. After a moment of horrible, crushing silence he nodded. Now he understood. He understood _perfectly. _"So you think 'dat we're not gonna work out, huh?"

Toki shook his head. "Nos, that ams not it. I knows it will, but I just wants to slow down and enjoy it, so-"

"So you wouldn't _enjoy _being married to me. Thanks, dude. I really appreciate it." and he got up and went to pour himself a drink. The Norwegian watched him with sadness in his eyes.

"Pickle, don'ts you dare say that. You know how happy you makes me."

"Not happy enough to marry me though, right?"

"Don'ts fuck with me." Toki said coldly. "You knows the real reason."

Pickles downed his drink and shook his head. "No," he said, "honestly I don't, but why don't you tell me? Now that you've already humiliated me, why don't you just tell me why I'm nat good enough for you?"

"You ams good enough! You're better than I ams!"

He scoffed and drank a little more. "Yeah, sure. Like anyone would believe that."

Toki got up, retrieved the two halves of ring from off the floor, and held them caringly in his hands. "Pickle, I loves you so much, but you've gots to just not rush things. It's like sometimes you just wants to marry me because you're afraid that I'll runs to someone else or somethings."

"Maybe I am scared." he said, looking down. "Maybe I think 'dat one day I'll just wake up and you'll wanna be with someone else—a groupie or something."

Toki had to laugh at this. "Thems stupid girls? Even ifs I did wants to be with a girl don't you think I could do better than one of thems sluts?"

Pickles ignored his joke. "You've seen how crazy 'dey get at shows, how much they jump all over you. It pisses me aff."

"And you thinks a ring will change that? They woulds still do it anyway."

"Yeah, but I'd _know _you were mine." the drummer said, his green eyes meeting Toki's. "Don't you get it? You could fuck with as many people as Skwisgaar if you wanted to, but you don't. You just choose me and I don't get it."

Toki considered his words for a moment before he said thoughtfully, "Ja, and so coulds you, but you chooses to be with me just as much I choose to bes with you, right?"

"Yeah," Pickles sighed. "Right."

"Sos why ams you so worried? No matter how longs it takes, I'm not going to fall out of loves with you."

"Yeah." he said, a little, reassured smile on his face. "I guess you won't." as Toki came over and presented him with half the ring, he arched a pierced brow. "What the hell are you doin'?"

"Heres." he said timidly. "I'll keep half and yous keep half untils we ams ready to get married, then we'll put the halfs together and I'll buy _you _a ring. Ams that okay?"

Pickles took his half and nodded. "Yeah, 'dats perfect. Thanks, Toki."

"And sos we can always know that we ams together, no matter what."

"I don't think that we need a ring for that." he said. "But thanks. It's great."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Toki let out a joyous cry and jumped up; he shamelessly wrapped his arms around Pickles' shoulders and hugged him close, sobbing happily. "Whats did you just say?"

"Marry me?"

"I...I..."

"Please say yes this time."

Toki kissed the drummer's forehead and nodded. "Ja, of course I wills! It's been longs enough!" he hugged Pickles so tightly that the drummer actually let out a little hiss of discomfort.

"Okay, just back up for a sec and let me go." he said, backing out of the Norwegian's deadly embrace. "We're gonna do it right if we do it at all." and he pulled his half of the ring out of his pocket and Toki handed him the other. "I'm gonna have to get you a new ring. Sorry."

"Nos! I wants that one!" he stared at the glittering black onyx and said almost dreamily, "It ams perfect."

Pickles cleared his throat and took Toki's hand. "Dude," he said almost casually, "you gonna marry me or what?"

"Yes, yes I wills!" he pulled the drummer to his feet and began crying. "I loves you! I loves you so much!"

"Yeah, sure." he said, holding in his own tears of happiness. "I love you too, Toki. We're gonna be good together, I swear. We're gonna rule the world, you and me. We're gonna do everything." and he held the guitarist close and whispered, "See? I told you I'd make you happy."


	5. Dates

"_I'm so excited_

_I can't wait to meet you there_

_And I'm so horny, that's okay_

_My will is good..."_

_~~Nirvana, Lithium_

**:: ::::DATES:::: ::**

Pickles was well aware that they didn't have beaches anywhere near where Toki had grown up. The Norwegian had been begging him to go to one for weeks and weeks, so finally the drummer broke down, woke Toki up early, and lead him into the car. As the guitarist buckled his seat belt, he grinned. "Pickle, why ams we up so early?"

" 'Cause we're goin' somewhere today."

"Sos? We go places everyday but we don't haves to wake up early."

The drummer gave him a sly little smile and said, "Just shut up and wait until we get 'dere."

The ride was a silent one; Toki spent the majority of it sleeping on the drummer's shoulder. When the car came to a stop Pickles took Toki's hand and opened his door.

"Take aff your shoes, dude." he said as they stepped onto the white sand of the beach. The guitarist looked around, his pale eyes wide and shining with amazement.

"What ams this place called?"

"The beach."

"Ohs." he did as he was told and took off his shoes and even his shirt. Pickles carefully picked up a handful of sand and poured it slowly into the Norwegian's open hands. Toki laughed delightedly and his eyes scanned the ocean waves. "It ams so beautiful here. We never had places like this backs in Lillehammer; we never had anythings but snow."

"I know. Go and stand in the ocean."

"Buts I can't swim."

Pickles laughed at this. "What? How could you nat know how to swim?"

Toki turned red. "Because all the water in Norway was _frozen, _dildo."

"Look, I'll help you." he took the guitarist's hand and began to lead him out to the waves. Before going in he threw off his shoes and his shirt and just stood on the wet sand for a moment, letting the cool waves gently wash over his feet. Toki watched the ocean with an excited expression.

Together they swam and laid in the sand the whole day, not caring about anything else besides each other. Slowly the sun's light began to fade and night consumed the sparkling waters. The darkness turned the sand into a white beckon of land, making the shoreline almost stand out in the radiant glow of the moonlight. That was when they both got dressed again and prepared to leave for home. Just before they left they sat down amongst the tall patches of wild beach grass and looked up, watched as stars shot from one side of the sky to the other.

"They ams falling; what means that?"

"It means you can make a wish." Pickles said. At the questioning look on Toki's face he added, "When you see a shooting star, you make a wish. Haven't you ever heard of 'dat?"

"Sos I can wish for anything?"

"Sure," the drummer said, "anything you want in the world."

Toki closed his eyes and whispered something in Norwegian, _"Jeg skulle ønske at jeg kunne bo her med __Pickles for alltid, fordi jeg elsker ham."_

_[I wish that I could stay here with Pickle forever, because I love him.]_

Once he grew silent, he laid down in the soft sand and grass and closed his eyes. Pickles grinned and asked, "What'd you wish for?"

"Nots telling," he said smartly, " 'cause then it won'ts come true."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Toki stared at Pickles with an odd look on his face. "Sos what you wants to do with me again? Go outs on a date?"

The drummer quickly shook his head. "No, it ain't a date. It's just-"

"So you wants to go out with me to sees a movie..."

He nodded. "Yeah."

"...where it ams just you and me, nobody else?"

Pickles nodded once more and repeated, "Yeah."

Toki laughed insanely. When he finally managed to stop and catch his breath he said, "But that'sconsidered a dates!"

The drummer glared at him and walked out the room. "You know what? Just forget it! I don't like you 'dat much anyway."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

"Wow. This is kinda awkward," Pickles commented as he picked at his food with his fork. Toki sat across the table from him, a deep frown on his a face. His head was resting on his hand and his long hair was draped gracefully over his shoulders. The drummer sighed and downed another glass of wine.

The Norwegian drank some too, if only to numb himself from the embarrassment of tonight, and let out a large yawn. "Pickle," he said in a bored tone, "no offense, but why ams we going out like this again?"

" 'Cause I asked you and you said ye-"

"I know, but whys did I even agrees to come with you? It was a stupids idea to start with."

"Oh." he looked down and bit his lip in shame. "Well, I...I dunno. I guess it was kinda like an experiment or somethin'."

"Hmm. Okays, I gets it. So I ams just an experiment to you, rights? You didn't takes me out to dinner because you _wanted _to be with me, just experiments. That makes sense." Toki said coolly, throwing his napkin down on the table. He made a move to get up, but Pickles caught him and urged him back into his seat, his eyes darting around to the other people who were eating in the restaurant.

"Dude, please don't freak out, okay? If they recognize us, 'den-"

"I don'ts care about other people, Pickle!" Toki snapped. "If alls I am to you is an experiment, then—"

"You're nat!"

"Then whys did you even ask me out tonight? This is so fuckings weird being here with you." and his eyes grew wide with a sudden fear. His face turned red as he asked in a whisper, "Do you think I looks like a girl? Is that why you asked me outs?"

"No!" Pickles said, shaking his head at the absurd question. "I swear."

"Then why?"

"Because I really, really like you." and Toki's look of anger and confusion faded. He blushed and took another sip of wine.

"Okays, so what? I likes you to, but that doesn't means that-"

"I've really liked you for a long time and I just figured 'dat we might as well give it a chance, right? See where it'll go?"

"You means like be _together? _Likes how Nathan ands his girlfriend ams together?"

The drummer nodded. "Yeah, sure. Why nat?"

"Because it ams...I don't..." Toki took a deep breath and admitted, "I really likes you a lot too, so maybe you ams right. Maybe it can leads to some good."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Maybe."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

It was the album release party. _Dethklok _had just released their latest songs to the public and all of Mordhaus was in celebration. There were sluts, booze, and many fancy men wearing suits, congratulating the musicians and promising them that the album would sell well. Toki usually shrunk into the background at occasions such as this, mostly because he was inclined to either get drunk or just be overcome with a sudden timidness. Pickles didn't care, though. To him Toki was Toki no matter how many people were in the room, so he pulled the guitarist up and lead him to the middle of the bustling room.

"Toki, dude, get up off your ass and come here." Pickles said. Toki rolled his eyes and tried to pull away from him.

"Nos, I already told you that I don't wants to talk to anyone at this stupids party."

"What the fuck, dude?" he asked above the noise of the music and small-talk of the other guests. "I thought you said 'dat you would stick close to me tonight. I'm supposed to make sure you don't get too drunk, remember?"

The Norwegian nodded. "Ja, of course I dos, but you wanted to talks to that one guy, sos I left. You know hows I feel in places like this."

"I know, I know, but when you're with me you don't gatta feel like 'dat." Pickles said, wrapping his arms around the guitarist's waist. "Now c'mon and dance with me."

Toki laughed at this suggestion. "Nos way! Nots in front of people likes this!"

"Forget about the people and just think of me, then. Act like nobody else is here; you're fun when there ain't no people around."

He smiled a little and let Pickles pull him close and take his hand. "Fines, I guess. It ams not so bad with just you." and he closed his eyes and rested his head against the drummer's shoulder, just letting the music take him wherever it pleased. Pickles lead him along the dance floor, holding him tightly and occasionally whispering in his ear.

Everyone generally chose to ignore them. If they did see the two men dancing like that together, they assumed it was just because they were drunk. Somehow, thru all his awkward shyness, Toki still managed to have a good time.

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Doing a concert in the freezing mountains of Germany had been bad enough, but the heater in the bus had broken, so the band was left to find more creative ways of keeping warm. Despite everyone's best efforts, the cold slipped into the bus and turned everything chilly—even when someone exhaled a cloud of white, warm vapor could be seen. Skwisgaar angrily threw down his guitar, his fingers much to numb and freezing to play.

"Fucks this shit! It ammnest red-hick-ulous! I'ms going to sue someone for 'dis!" and he proceeded to begin pacing around the room like Nathan and Murderface. Pickles and Toki, however, were not as shy about getting warm.

They sat in front of the blazing fireplace trying to keep the licking flames fed with wood. It didn't help much and outside of their ring of warmth it was still cold, but it somehow provided them with a good escape from the world. As Pickles poked at a burning log, he cast a worried look over to Toki, who was pale and shaking in his jacket.

"You're _still _cold?"

He nodded and hugged himself. "Ja, reallys, reallys cold." he scooted closer to the drummer and carefully laid his head in his lap. "You ams warm, though."

Pickles felt the Norwegian's ice cold hand and frowned. "Can you even feel your fingers?"

Toki shook his head and answered, his voice shaking, "N-Nos."

"Hmm. Come here, 'den." he pulled the guitarist into his arms and held him, trying to make him forget about the cold. "Let me see your hands."

Toki raised a trembling hand. Pickles took it and tenderly pressed his lips against the palm, smiling whenever the Norwegian's face reddened. "Warmer?" he whispered, kissing Toki's cheek.

The guitarist nodded._"Too _warms, I think."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

"Pickle, I'm tellings you, he's right _there!" _Toki exclaimed, pointing up to the full moon. The drummer squinted at it and shook his head.

"Nah, dude, I think you've really gat it wrong; there is no real man in the moon."

"Yes there is! Looks, right there! It's likes a face in the full moons." the guitarist insisted, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm nots stupid. I thinks I can know a face when I sees one."

"Well yeah, but-"

"You really can't sees it?" he asked, a little disappointed. "Buts I always could. It's like a face or somethings."

"It's a metaphor," Pickles said peering up at the blanket of stars that dotted the sky above them. "Like a nursery rhyme or whatever; it ain't real."

"Well I don'ts care." Toki said, his blue eyes shining in the light of the moon. _"I _still thinks there ams a man in the moon."

"Yeah, maybe 'dere is, I just can't see it."

"You means you can't see _him,_ right Pickle?"

He shrugged. "Sure, I guess." there was a long moment of silence before he said thoughtfully, "Y'know, we only ever see the same side of the moon."

Toki peered over at him, a brow raised. "What means you? The moon spins like the Earth, rights?"

He shook his head. "No it don't. We never see the other side of the moon—the dark side."

"Ain't thats a Pink Floyd album or somethings?"

Pickles grinned. "Yeah, I think so. Pretty funny, huh?"

The guitarist smiled up at the shining moon and sighed in content. "Either way I still sees the man, even if you don't."


	6. Holidays

**::HOLIDAYS::**

Pickles had always hated Valentine's Day, but Toki didn't mind it. He wasn't the biggest fan of the day to be sure, but in Norway, people loved _Valentinsdag_. That was why he only thought it right to buy the drummer a present. It wasn't much, only a chocolate bar and a carefully written poem in Norwegian, but it would be just good enough. He presented Pickles with it early that morning with a huge, proud smile on his face.

Immediately the drummer refused to take it. "No way, dude. You're makin' me look bad."

"Whys?"

" 'Cause I didn't get you anything!"

Toki shrugged and offered it to him again. "Just takes it. If you don'ts I'll cry." That threat always worked wonders.

Pickles snatched the chocolate, opened it, and took a huge bite. "There, happy?"

He nodded. "Ja, very. Thanks."

"It's fine, but next ti—hey, what's 'dis?" he asked, spotting the little poem. Toki said nothing, just sat down on the couch next to him and tried to hide his knowing smile. Pickles read it over and then asked with a confused look on his face, "What does it say? Is it in Norwegian?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I can'ts write in English. Sorry."

"Nat even your own name?"

He shrugged and answered, "Sure, I guess."

"What about _my _name?" when Toki just shook his head, Pickles turned over the letter, picked up a nearby pencil, and wrote in big letters _PICKLES THE DRUMMER_. Toki smiled.

"Writes my name next, please."

Pickles complied and quickly scribbled, & _TOKI WARTOOTH. _And just because it was Valentine's Day, he drew a heart after the names. When he was done he put down the pencil and ate some more chocolate. "Happy Valentine's Day, dude." and he gave the guitarist a kiss on the lips. "I love you."

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Toki had never really celebrated Christmas before coming to Amercia. In Norway they just had _Første Juledag _[Christmas day]on the 25th of December, but it hadn't really been a big deal in his household. His parents had never bought him gifts, and so that was why on the eve of _Lillejulaften _[the day before Christmas],he laid quietly in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Mordhaus had been decorated and the whole bit, but he still didn't feel anything special. It was just another stupid day of the year. He went to sleep silently, praying that this year it might be different. After all, he had a family now and someone to love—Pickles-so maybe they'd get him a present for being good...

Or maybe not.

When he awoke the next morning and went downstairs, he was surprised to see a single wrapped and decorated gift box in his chair. Skwisgaar, Nathan, Murderface, and Pickles watched as the Norwegian removed it and carefully sat down, holding the present closely, as if he thought it was a trick and might be stolen from him any moment.

"You knows, the whole point ammnest not to _stares _at it." Skwisgaar commented loudly, taking a careful sip of coffee. "It ams to open it."

"I cans...open it?"

"Yeah, it's for you." Nathan said.

"Merry Chrishtmash, dildo." Murderface said with absolutely no enthusiasm whatsoever. As he resumed eating his breakfast he muttered to himself, "I hate Chrishtmash."

Toki then turned his attention to Pickles and asked breathlessly, "It ams really for me? I cans open it?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I gat it for you."

"_Yous _got it?"

Pickles finished off the can of beer he had been drinking and nodded. "Yep. Merry fuckin' Christmas, dude."

Toki unwrapped it painfully slow, trying to enjoy every single moment of it. What he saw inside the box made him jump and yell loudly. "It moves!"

Pickles got up and grabbed the box from his shaking hands. "Hey, calm down! You'll scare it!"

Skwisgaar looked up from his plate, a questioning look on his face. _"Its? _Pickle, you never said it was an its."

Toki snatched the box back and took out of it a live ball of fur with long ears. It was a small bunny, brown as his own hair with wide, shining black eyes. He let out a squeal of delight and hugged it to him, careful not to squeeze it too tightly and crush it. Pickles watched him with a little smile on his face before saying, "So I guess you like her?"

"Oh, this ams the best thing evers!" Toki whispered, holding the bunny up to eye-level. The creature extended its neck and pressed its twitching, wet nose to the guitarist's face; its tail fluffed up as it tried to snuggle against his cheek. "She likes me..."

"Course she does," the drummer said, gently petting the bunny's soft fur. "Everybody does. We all love you."

Toki's pale eyes met Pickles' green ones. He kissed the top of the bunny's head and then held it in his arms closely. Without shame he kissed the drummer right there, in front of Nathan, Murderface, and Skwisgaar. Everyone was shocked—even Pickles—but nobody really minded it once it was over. It was just one of those moments that didn't need to be mentioned again because it would never be forgotten—Toki's first real Christmas.

**[]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[][]][[]**

Pickles' birthday was a huge deal. Everyone ran around like mad trying to get the party together, despite the fact that the drummer clearly said that he didn't want one. It couldn't be helped, though. Toki thought birthdays were a big deal, so he organized the whole thing. He even invited some fans to attend, despite the fact that Ofdensen said he couldn't. In the end there were well over two-thousand people walking around the Mordhaus, and Pickles was utterly furious with Toki for letting it happen.

He pulled the Norwegian aside and hissed, "What the _fuck_ is 'dis? I told you I didn't want a damn party! I fuckin' told you! How could you do 'dis to me?"

Toki just smiled sweetly and observed, "You ams angry with me."

"Yeah, I'm pissed aff, so why don't you-"

"But you haven't even seen whats I got you for your present." before Pickles could say anything, the Norwegian had stuck out his tongue; there was a little bar going thru it. The drummer's green eyes grew wide.

"You...you gat your tongue pierced?"

Toki nodded proudly. "Ja, for _yous."_

"But what—why would you do 'dat?"

"Lets me show you." he molded his lips to the drummer's and kissed him like he had never kissed anyone in his life; he turned red and abruptly ended it, breathing hard and trying to contain himself. "See? It coulds be fun..."

"B-But you—did it hurt?"

He nodded. "Fuck yeahs; I cried, but it was worth it, rights? _That _was worth its, wasn't it? The kiss?"

Pickles nodded, feeling himself grow hot. "Y-Yeah, 'dat was...I...I like it."

"Goods. I'm glad, but there ams also another part of the present." he tugged on the drummer's arm and lead him down the hall that lead to their individual rooms. "We shoulds spend the night together for the first times. Can we?"

"Yeah, sure. If you're ready, I guess." he knew he certainly was. Before Toki could open the door, Pickles wrapped his arms around him and scooped him up into his arms. Of course the Norwegian was nervous—scared shitless. He'd never really pictured himself as being a very romantic or sexy person, but whenever Pickles kissed him all of his insecurities seemed to melt away.

It was a little awkward at first, but gradually Pickles eased him into it. At first the drummer was a little rough, losing sight of the fact that it was he and Toki's first time. At one point the guitarist actually had to push him away and tell him that there wasn't a rush, that he _wouldn't _be rushed. He had never seen Pickles like that before; he almost seemed hungry, ready to devour every part of him. The drummer's kisses were longer and hotter, his whole body was tense, but somehow me managed to transfer all of these things into a slow, sweet loving urge. He became gentle, his touch became something of a welcomed whisper of feeling.

Never before had Toki been treated that wonderfully.

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****A/N****

**That's all I have so far. I may come back and add stuff later, but for now this is it. I hope you enjoyed reading it and remember that reviews are welcome. Peace & Love.**


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